I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
