Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
