Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
third nipple confirmed
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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