I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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