I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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