Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
