Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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