i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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