Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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