no, he came in my armpit
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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