I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
