I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
