I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
