I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
