i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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