why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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