2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
