Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize