why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
