I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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