Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
