No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize