I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
