my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
