she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
