I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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