I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
