Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just want to make out with him forever
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
