I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
