i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
