I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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