oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
