i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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