For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
