No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
