Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Randomize