I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize