Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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