Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
