Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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