If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
