Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
