I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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