Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
