its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I wear drunk well.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
