haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
