White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
