I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
