I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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