I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
