Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
