Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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