but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
