toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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