Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In America we eat man semen.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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