I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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