She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
