1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
