I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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