I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm like, not good at living.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
