I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize