Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
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You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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