well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
