Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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