Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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