yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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