i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
