Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
