Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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