The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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