he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
