I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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