remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
