I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
