I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
