I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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