I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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