Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
