I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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