you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
