Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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