i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
