A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
