Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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