I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
