He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
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He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
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Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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