My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
