What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
